What is a Child Welcoming Ceremony?

Photo by Jer Harman

A child welcoming ceremony is a beautiful opportunity to bring your community of loved ones around you to celebrate and support you as you welcome a new child into the family. It’s a moment to pause amid the busy activity of parenting and birth or adoption to mark this important milestone of expanding your family.

Why have a child welcoming ceremony? 
Having children, or adding to your family is a beautiful, complex, at times difficult adventure.

And you don’t make that journey on your own–you’re supported by friends, chosen family, immediate and extended family. A ceremony can be an opportunity to gather with those close loved ones to celebrate! It can be a moment to ask for your loved ones continued support and affirm their role as the village who you want to help raise this child. If you follow a spiritual tradition, it can be an opportunity to state your intentions to raise the child within that tradition. For example, if you’re a pagan, maybe one aspect of the ceremony is to ask for the blessing of the child by the elements of earth, air, fire and water. 

When do you host a ceremony like this?

It can be done a few months after the child is born, perhaps at the end of the “fourth trimester” at 3 months of age. It can be done a bit later, at 6 months old. Or perhaps you combine it with the child’s 1 year birthday celebration. It’s up to you to decide what feels right, and what feels manageable. I worked with one family who felt like they missed out on having a ceremony like this, so they did one when the child was 2 years old. Perhaps you align more with creating ceremony ahead of the birth or adoption, so you have the ceremony while pregnant or adopt-ready, perhaps combining the ceremony with a baby shower, kind of like how a wedding has a ceremony component and also a celebration/party component. 

Who do you invite?

You have a choice to make the gathering a small intimate one, maybe just ten people. It could be only immediate family. You might feel more comfortable with a group of close friends and not involve family. Or maybe you want this to be an opportunity for community to gather, and you want a larger group of 30 plus people. Some folks choose to do same-gender groups for these types of ceremonies–like a mother blessing where only women and non-binary folks are invited. Again, go with the choice that works for you and your partner(s). 

What does a child welcoming ceremony look like?
The structure and outline of a ceremony of this type follows from your intention or hope for the ceremony and who is part of it. No two ceremonies I help people with are exactly the same. Say, for example, your first child was a difficult birth, and in preparation for your second birth, you want an added feeling of support from the wise women in your life who know you well and love you. In that case you might decide to focus on rituals that nurture and nourish you like having people collaboratively make a flower crown or support necklace for you while they share with you the strengths they see in you as a person and parent. Or maybe there will be a bunch of children under 6 years old at the ceremony, so you need to make sure it is a structure that engages them with a few different interactive elements like reading a children’s story or singing a song. Or perhaps you know you want the ceremony outside, like a ceremony I did standing in a river with the parents and older sibling. 

Here are some possible elements to a Child Welcoming Ceremony:

• Welcome and Introduction: welcome everyone to the gathering, talk about what the intention or purpose of the ceremony is for you
• Grounding: ground and centre in to the ceremony moment, perhaps by pausing to notice the nature sights and sounds around you, having a grounding breath, singing together an opening song, reflecting on the family memories already made at the home we’re gathered at. 
• Gratitude for Ancestors: tell stories of the families who the child is descended from–say the names of important ancestors, and where they are from. 
• Grandparents: ask for a pledge of support from grandparents, or invite grandparents to speak for a moment about their hopes and intentions for their grandchild
• Guideparents: honour 1 or 2 people with a special role of guideparent–a hoped for close adult in the child’s like. Perhaps invite that person or people to speak about how they intend to be there for the child
• Community Pledge: reflect back to your loved ones how much they mean to you, and how you hope they can be part of your child’s life. Perhaps have them reply to a pledge question, affirming their intentions to be there for you and your family.
• Parent’s Pledge: Parent(s) can speak about their hopes and intentions for having a child, perhaps tell stories about the pregnancy, birth, or adoption process, or express their love for the community gathered for the ceremony. 
• Stories of the Child: tell some stories about the child’s developing personality, likes and dislikes
• The Child’s name: tell the story of the child’s name and why it was chosen or what it means.
• Songs: sing or listen to a song. Shakers or dance moves encouraged!
• Read a Children’s book: read a children’s story that affirms your view of family and community 
• Rituals of community connection. Rituals to enact the intentions for the ceremony like everyone signing a children’s book, guests presenting chosen fabric for a community quilt that’s being made, passing around an object like a hand knit blanket or stuffy for loved ones to hold and bless.​